


Diana

by Diana_GravityFalls



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Cutting, Depression, Self-Harm, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5827462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diana_GravityFalls/pseuds/Diana_GravityFalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Diana didn't have a very social life. She felt she was invisible. No one spoke to her, if they did, it was to say rude and hurtful comments. Her at home life was also becoming strained and the only thing that got her through another day was by listening to songs by her favorite band, One Direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1. Front Page, I saw your Pictures, They make you look so small.

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with depression and and self-inflicted harm. Parental guidance is advised. It doesn't matter how old you are. If you don't like self harm then turn away. This is a serious story so please take it seriously.
> 
> Note that all rude comments about this will be deleted. It's not nice, because people truly do go though this everyday, so if you make fun of this story, your making fun of someone who has this problem.
> 
> Keep in mind though, not everyone gets a happy ending, as stories makes us believe.
> 
> Keep strong, let nobody take you down. This is our world, so let's make it together. Make it right.

"Diana, wake up, you have school and I'll be late for work."

Diana shifted slightly under the covers of her bed, slowly opening her eyes. Of course. Work, work, work. The problem wasn't that she had school, it was that she had to get up because otherwise her mother would be late for work. She got up and walked to the bathroom, staggering as her sleepy eyes tried their best to keep open, after staying up late last night. Diana looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, her hair messy from the pillow, her skin pale and black circles under her eyes. She sighed and took her toothbrush out to brush her teeth.

To her opinion, she isn't beautiful. Not one bit. When someone's beautiful, they have deep blue eyes, or strawberry blonde hair, or at least the things that a boy at her age likes. Which isn't dull straight brown hair and boring brown eyes, like she has. Don't let her get started on her body. All of us have our flaws and imperfections, and we would all want to change something on us, nobody can deny that. But what if you just want to change everything, like Diana wants? She sometimes wishes in her sleep that she will wake up one day, being a whole new different person. A more beautiful person.

When she arrived at school, everything was quiet at first, like usual, like always. That's how it always starts. It's the same thing with nature. It's always calm before the storm, and Diana soon found herself walking through the school's corridor and and slowly opening her locker. Until it slammed back closed by a heavy hand.

"Hello." The boy, Josh, said, with a crooked smile on his face.

"H-hi." Diana stammered, trying to smile at him, despite at the nervousness she had inside her at that moment.

"So, what's up?" such a simple question, but once it came out from Josh's lips, it was like a math equation, a complicated question that stuck into Diana's brain and she just couldn't solve it. Just like everything else Josh said. And Diana had never been good with numbers. She believed she had never been good with anything or anybody, but that was another story.

"C'mon Josh, why're you talking with a freak?" a girl passed in front of her, dragging Josh bu his hoodie with a disgusted look on her face, "We're going to be late." she announced and Josh looked at Diana once with a numb and blank look in his eyes, then turned around and walked away behind the girl, following her like a puppy.

Diana looked down at her sneakers, sniffing quietly, biting her lip to stop the tears that were threatening to spill. It's hard, isn't it? Watching the one you love being taken by someone else? It's even harder when you know you could make them happy, but you would never be her. And probably the hardest is when you actually realize you will never, ever have a chance with them. Because there will always be someone prettier than you, someone funnier than you, someone not so awkward like you. It hurts. A lot.

Lunch time came quickly and Diana was soon sat at a table at the back of the cafeteria, next to her two friends, who after she told them what had happened, replied with the same old words.

"He's not worth your time, love."

"You can find so much better than this asshole."

Have you ever realized that when someone tells us these words, they actually leave us with a million question? Diana's mind was full of these then, Then who's worth my time? , she wondered, When am I going to find this 'better' that everyone's talking about, but I can't see it coming? Will I ever find that better?

Once school finished, Diana quickly got into the bus with her books held tightly against her chest, and sat alone at the back of the vehicle, next to the window while all the others had a partner to sit next to. Diana didn't really mind about the school bus. It was just a thirty minute drive to home, right? She pulled her iPod from her bag, plugged her earphones in her ears and put it one shuffle. And then, she heard the familiar cowbell, along with the strumming of a guitar, the beautiful voices filling herself with hope.

"You're insecure, don't know what for,

You're turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or..."

And suddenly, everything seemed so much better.


	2. 2. I speak a different language, but I still hear your call.

Diana is, without a doubt, a very good student. It is a miracle really, how she manages to have a balance between school and the internet, because the second, is a very big deal for her. Internet, internet, internet. People say it’s usually the place where you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. What other people don’t know, it’s that in reality, you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, and the internet brings out your inner self, the real you. But that’s a different chapter of our story.

 

Being a good student doesn’t particularly mean you’re paying attention to class, you also have to do your homework, be responsible. Diana never had a problem with that, maybe that was one of the reasons people didn’t like her. You know, once someone does something right, all the little leeches come from behind and start making them hate themselves for being good? Yeah, something like that. Anyway, Diana always did her homework, always was responsible. Always, until late October night, when everything started. Started her fall probably. The very beginning.

 

“Jack, where are you even going anyways in the middle of the night?” her mother asked, not really shouting, but her voice was firm and sharp, like when she caught Diana’s brother, Alfie doing something bad.

 

“Is it illegal for me to go out tonight, Stella? I work all day, don’t I deserve some time for myself?” her father replied, and Diana could hear him, even if she was in her bedroom with the door closed and her parents were in the kitchen, but the house wasn’t that big anyways. Her little brother, Alfie, was sleeping that night at his best friend’s house. So, Diana had decided to follow her regular program, do her homework and then open her computer and stay up late, as always. But apparently, she wouldn’t be doing the first one.

 

“You have been going out for the last couple of weeks and you don’t come back until after midnight, I have to go to bed and I eventually fall asleep waiting for you, how am I supposed to keep calm when you’re doing all this?” the words were beginning to come out louder than Diana wanted them to, not that she could do anything to mute them.

 

“I will go out if I effing want to!” Diana heard her father shouting for the first time, then apparently her mother whispered something to him but Diana couldn’t hear her, because he then replied even louder, “She’s in her room doing her homework with her effing door closed! And I don’t understand why you deserve explanations, I’m a grown up, and you’re not my mother.”

 

“Jack, I’m your wife, I care about you, and leaving every night like this without telling me where you’re going is not a way to treat me, nor your kids. We get worried about you, what if something happens to you and I won’t know where you are?”

 

“Pff, please, like Diana and Alfie are worried about me.” Jack said sarcastically, “He’s in his own little world, and she’s stuck on her laptop all day, not giving a shit about anything, don’t you realize that by treating me like this, you’re making me feel like a child, Stella!”

 

“I would treat you like a grown up if you acted like one too!” her mum shouted loudly.

 

All this time, Diana was trying to block their voices from her head, and concentrate to what really mattered, which at that time, was her homework from her head. But, just like the voices from her classmates, they just ended up sounding even louder in her head. It’s like, when people make bad comments about you. Even if you hear good stuff about you all the time and there’s one bad comment, you will focus on that specific one. Why don’t we appreciate what people who like us have to say, and don’t pay attention to the hate. But, we people are masochists, always trying to find a reason to hate ourselves even more.

 

The shouts and cries continued, and it came to a point where Diana just gave up. She walked out of her room and slowly got to the kitchen. Her mother, Stella was sitting on a chair in front of the kitchen’s table with a hand fisted in her hair, with a desperate look on her face, her eyes red from crying, and her father, Jack, was leaning against the kitchen’s wall with an angry look on his face and his strong jaw clenched.

 

“Mum?” she called quietly. Diana knew that she could always rely on her mother, she just trusted her more than her father, she just knew.

 

“Diana, not now, sweetheart, please.” her mum pleaded, wiping her eyes so her daughter wouldn’t see her puffy red eyes.

 

“But, what happened?” Diana asked again innocently, afraid of what would come next. To her surprise, it was her father who replied at her, the one who remained silent most of the time.

 

“Diana, go to your room.” he ordered sharply, his hands crossed in front of his shirt. Diana looked at him curiously.

 

“But-”

 

“Diana, I said, go to your room.” Jack said again, with a tone almost frightening. Diana was never afraid of her parents, after all, her mother always was the one to talk sweetly to her, never forbidding her to do something, because when you do, the other person wants to do that something even more. The forbidden is always more tempting than the allowed.

 

Diana got back to her room. Her throat was burning, that familiar burn you have when you know you’re about to cry, but you just don’t want to. Diana is fragile, but aren’t we all? She hated it when her parents fought. At first, it wasn’t that bad. It was just for little things, like who would wash the dishes that night, or why was Alfie bringing turtles to the house from the kindergarten, but they always ended up with her parents making up, However, the past couple of weeks, her dad always came home late, her mother was always too worried, and both of them didn’t really have the time for her and her brother. She pushed the book out of her face, dealing with the fact that she couldn’t concentrate with her parents fighting so loud, and pulled her computer onto her lap.

 

“Oh, the laughs we have!” Harry said sarcastically in the video.

 

“Between me and you!” Niall completed, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

It was the first time Diana smiled that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still brand new to writing on this site. It is still extremely confusing. Bear with me.


	3. 3. It's only been four months now, you've fallen down so far.

Diana doesn’t have a high self esteem. Most of us don’t, but we usually don’t really care about our body, do we? Well, Diana does. She is a person who cares about what other people think of her, just like every other girl in her teens. Because, if we think about it, didn’t all models have normal weight in the 50s? Nowadays, you’re considered fat if you don’t have a thigh gap or if your stomach rolls out when you sit down.

 

Adults think it’s just another teenage exaggeration, but what they don’t realize is that actually, everyone else is the one who’s pushing us into these thoughts. It’s the school, where you see how boys prefer slimmer girls than normal - weighted once, at home, where they play the Nutella on kitchen counter like it’s a bowl of broccoli. And honestly, Diana wishes she could change herself. Wishes she could cut out every part of her body she doesn’t like.

 

Diana was stood in front of her bathroom mirror. The house was quiet, since her mother was working that day, her father was outside as usual and Alfie was at football practice. She eyes her reflection in the mirror once she got out of the shower, her brown hair wet, sticking onto her back. Her eyes first fell on her face. She was quite pale, not sun-kissed skin like most girls, the area around her nose and eyes a soft red from the slight acne she had. Then, she moved to her chest, which was not to discuss for (her words), since she couldn’t even compare to other girls. After that her stomach.

 

They say the mirror is your most truthful friend, the one who will always tell you the truth and just show you how reality is. But what if you can’t see with your eyes what the mirror shows you? It’s like, a girl is anorexic, what the mirror shows her is her skinny body and her bones that have come up to the surface, on the outline of her skin, but what she sees is her chubby self, and that’s what makes her wants to lose more. She refuses to face the truth, whether that will help her or crush her.

 

Diana felt her eyes getting watery, as she continued to move under her stomach, to her thighs. Almost every girl in her school had a thigh gap, wearing colorful tights and baggy sweaters, every boy chose them, so it was inevitable that Diana wanted to be one of those girls, she wanted to fit in, she wanted to be a social butterfly and not stay closed to herself and have everyone look at her like she was a freak. She thought about it; imagine herself thinner, without those damn effing thighs, as she called them.

 

She walked in front of the toilet and kneeled there, balancing her hands on the edges of it. She took a deep breath, I can’t do this, she thought to herself. Then, she closed her eyes and pictured all the girls at her school, walking gracefully in the hallway, and then herself entering the building, and suddenly, it’s dark, and she couldn’t see where she’s walking, everywhere she stepped, there were blood red letter, reading everything she was afraid that someone would tell her.

 

Fat, Ugly, Stupid, Freak...

 

Or maybe, the words that are whispered behind her back everyday.

 

Diana instantly forced two fingers down her throat, but all she can do at first is gag, cowardly pulling them out and swiping them off with the toilet paper that’s next to her. She got up, locked the door, and got to the same position as she was before. Diana looked at the toilet forcefully. She didn’t want to be a coward, if she wanted to be thin, she had to do this, and she wouldn’t at any limit to get what she wanted. She tried again, and this time, she succeeded.

 

Her eyes were filled with tears by her forced action, and she flushed the toilet quickly, so nobody could see that she had puked everything she had eaten that day. She got up and stared at herself again. She felt disgusted; that bitter taste will stay forever in my mouth, she thought. Her throat felt sore and her lips were blood red, in contrast with her skin that was plain white. She didn’t want to do it, for starters, but sometimes, you just don’t have another option.

 

“Diana, you in there?” her mother asked suddenly, tapping on the door, and Diana felt her heart stopping for a second, “You’ve been in there for a long time, are you alright?”

 

When did she come back?, Diana thought, “I’m fine, I just got out of the shower, I’m drying my hair.” she called out.

 

“Oh, alright. Did you catch a cold or something?”

Diana stopped moving. What could she tell to her own mother? She would sure be disappointed.

 

“Diana?”

 

“Yeah, ehm, just a sore throat, don’t worry about it, mum.” she said, trying to sound calm.

 

“Oh, okay baby, dinner’s ready on the kitchen table, I’ll wait for you, yeah?”

 

“Yeah...” Diana whispered, and once she heard her mother leaving, she collapsed on the floor in tears


	4. 4. I wanna reach out for ya, I wanna break these walls.

Diana never expected something like that would happen. She always imagined living in a peaceful home, with a nice and loving family, you know. Like the ones who always go to the zoo when dad is home, the ones that eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, the ones that tell each other everything without being afraid of anyone’s reactions, the ones that bake cookies together on Christmas and then eat them together by the fireplace under the christmas tree. And yes, those were too many expectation for a family of the 21st century, but everybody hopes for the best in their life. Yet sometimes, it doesn’t turn out as she expected things would.

 

It was almost Christmas when it happened. It was like, God, or whatever it is out there makes you believe in it, wanted to make you feel the shittiest during the best holiday in the world. Anyway, Diana was in her room, trying to read her homework. Alfie was in the living room, probably playing with cars, or whatever, he was at least lucky to finish his homework in under thirty minutes. Then, Diana shot up once she heard the door shutting quickly, creating a loud sound that arrived to Diana’s ears quickly. Since it was Friday and it was pretty late and dark outside, so she quickly assumed it was her father.

 

There were muffled noises coming from the living room, eventually as the time passed, getting louder and louder, making it hard for Diana to concentrate for once more. She could also feel that annoying, nauseous feeling in her stomach; she hadn’t eaten all day, repeating the same process over and over again for at least three weeks, eating a bit of breakfast and then again at night, so according to her excuses, she had a stomach ache for three whole weeks. Anyway, she tried to ignore her parents, who were arguing again.

 

“Diana...?” she heard her mother calling her and rushed to the living room, where she saw her looking tired; not tired from exhaustion, but tired from everything that was happening in her life. And Diana could relate a lot to her mother at this point. “Please, could you take Alfie up to your room, keep him busy?”

 

“Mum, wha-” Diana began saying, but when she shifted a little, she could see that her father had returned home. His eyes were red, he clearly wasn’t sober, and for the first time, Diana was afraid of him; he looked deranged, hair messed-up, fists clenching as well as his jaw line.

 

“Diana, please.” once she heard her mother’s plea, Diana scooped Alfie up in a hug, since he was quite a small child, even if he was 9, and slowly walked to her room, locking carefully the door behind her and putting Alfie on her bed, giving him some of her old books that were stocked up on the shelves next to her bed. She decided to leave her homework for the next day, A.K.A Monday morning, to stay with Alfie and play with him to distract him from what was happening in the living room. She wasn’t stupid; Diana knew what was going to happen, but since her mother’s will was to stay with her brother in her room, she wasn’t going to do that.

 

From the moment Diana began reading the old fairy tales to her brother and trying to prove to him that they weren't boring, it began. First, the plates; crashing on the floor, falling into a million little pieces, banging into Diana’s ears as she bit her lips not to frown, not in front of her own little brother, who was looking at her, unaware of the whole situation.

 

“What’s happening?” he asked innocently, tilting his little head sideways, and Diana could almost cry at that moment. She couldn’t figure out which was better for him, knowing or not knowing how their parents fought every night, how her mother wore much more make-up now and what was happening then. But she had to keep little Alfie calm, for her own sake and for her mothers.

 

“Nothing sweetheart...” Diana whispered, pulling out a fake smile and softly brushing his raven black hair.

 

“But - but I heard plates crashing, didn’t they?” he asked again, and Diana could feel that similar burn in her throat again, her light pink lips trembling. She clenched her fists around her sweatpants, digging her nail into her thumb to prevent herself from crying.

 

“Well maybe mum dropped the accidently, she’s a bit clumsy, ain’t she?” the poor girl tried to make a joke, but the whole thing was really a joke. She was lying to her brother, lying in front of his face, and worst of all, is that his innocent, childish, naive mind wouldn’t be able to understand, even if he knew. Suddenly, her mother let out a loud “I hate you!” and then an even louder cry after a hard slap, skin to skin contact, hand to cheek, it didn’t matter, all Diana knew was she wasn’t safe then. She looked at the door terrified and sighed in relief, realizing it was locked; but then her heart twitched again. Her mother was outside, alone, her father was probably drunk, who knew what could happen. However, she was told to stay with her brother.

 

“What’s happening?” Alfie then asked, his voice quiet and weak. He was on the edge of crying, until there was another loud crash, probably a vase or something. He jumped on Diana’s lap and curled himself up, arms around his knees and his head falling on Diana’s chest as she wrapped her arms around him to bring him into her hug. At this point, she felt scared too. Diana had never actually witnessed her dad’s outbursts, she always saw the results of it. Her mother’s strange behaviour, the faded scars on her wrists and neck, and probably, all these happened at night, when she and Alfie were asleep. But now, actually hearing her mother whimpering, helpless, and her father, that man who she looked up all the years she had lived, beating her up like she was something worthless.

 

“Nothing, Alfie, shh... Don’t cry sweetheart, please don’t cry.” Diana cooed her little brother, brushing his hair, “I’m here, it’s just me. Yes, baby, hold onto my shirt. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

 

“Di, I’m-m scared.” Alfie cried silently, and soon, Diana could feel her shirt dampening from his salty tears. Diana didn’t count time, but it could feel like an eternity until the cries stopped and everything went silent again. Alfie had calmed down, but Diana strictly told him to stay on her bed with the door closed, as she slowly walked to the living room. Her mother was sitting on the couch, knees curled up to her chest, holding a towel to stop the blood from drooling from her mouth. Diana looked at her mother, shocked.

 

“Mum?” she could barely talk; just a faint whisper coming out of her mouth.

 

Her mum, Stella, turned her head to face her, “I’m fine, Di.”

 

“B-but, you’re bleeding, do you want to, God, we have to call somebody, the police, someone!” Diana started talking quickly, pushing her hair out of her face.

 

“Diana, Diana listen to me.” her mother said sternly, “Go to your room, and we’ll talk about it tomorrow. I promise.”

 

Diana didn’t say another word and went back to her room. Alfie was sound asleep and looked so peaceful after all that had happened that she couldn’t just wake him up. She went to the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

 

The razor seemed sharp, and challenging, but Diana thought that it couldn’t compare to any of the challenges she had gone through her life. She looked at it again, not feeling at all scared this time, like she was the first time she threw up. Diana felt as if she couldn’t get back up again, she could just only bury herself deeper into the hole. And maybe, the only answer sometimes is to just go deeper. Like a razor does on your skin. It just goes deeper, until you bring it to the surface again.

 

Diana felt her skin ripping in half, but all she wanted was to take the pain away, take the pain from all those horrendous months, take away the pain that her father had caused to her family, take away the pain she felt in her stomach every time she was hungry, take away the pain she felt every time she was called something at school. Take away the pain, by feeling more of it. She kept biting her lip, not wanting to wake up anyone from her crying, then threw the razor in the toilet and flushed it quickly. Deep red blood was now oozing from the wound in her hand, and all she could do was stare.

 

There’s no coming back now, Diana thought, I’m already in the depths of the hole, and nobody can bring me back to the surface.


	5. 5. Diana, let me be the one to, light a fire inside those eyes.

Have we ever asked ourselves why we feel so alone?

 

It’s no secret that all people feel alone sometimes, can feel the hole into their chest, that feeling of missing something but you don’t know what. That lonely feeling that makes us put sad music on and start crying about relationships we never even had. There are approximately 7 billion people on this planet, why do we feel so alone? Maybe because nobody is here for us. Or, to be put correctly, because we think nobody is here for us. Have we ever considered the people around us? If we think about it, there are so many options that we can’t see. There comes a time where a blind man comes to you and says, “Can’t you see?”

 

Diana felt alone. Too proud to admit her problem, she didn’t ask help from anyone. But sometimes, it’s not bad to ask for help; it’s not bad to cry. It shows that you care enough about yourself. It’s better than keeping everything a secret, in the end everything’s just eating you alive. But of course, Diana didn’t say anything. Until one sunny Saturday.

 

“Diana?” her mother asked from the bathroom, as her daughter sat on the kitchen table, doing her homework.

 

“Yes?”

 

“What’s this?”

 

Diana lifted her head from her book and instantly froze once she saw the small, sliver razor in her hand.

 

Throughout a period of five months, Diana learned to cope with the pain. Her mother was clearly devastated because of Diana’s father, and Diana had assumed that the only right thing she had to do was stand next to her mother and support her, help take care of her and Alfie. But sometimes, one is not strong enough for both.

 

“Nothing.” Diana quickly replied, turning her eyes to the book again.

 

“Diana, give me your hand.” her mother ordered softly, approaching her, but Diana flinched away, “Diana, please.” she pleaded.

 

“No!” her daughter answered, getting up from the table, “Leave me alone! I was alone for so many months, and now you seem to care?” she shouted and went to her bedroom, shutting her door closed with force.

 

It wasn’t until the afternoon when Diana let her mother in again, with red eyes and nose, “Baby...” her mum said, taking a seat next to her on the bed, “May I see you hand?” Diana reluctantly extended her arm, letting her mother roll up the sleeve, uncovering the fresh pink scars on her skin. Her mother immediately gasped; how could her own daughter do something like that unnoticed? A powerful feeling of guilt washed through her body quickly as she pressed her lips into a thin line. But this was no time for blaming whose fault it was and why had it been going on for so long without her noticing; it was about learning why.

 

“May I ask why?” her tone wasn’t strict. This wasn’t about preaching or making her daughter feel punished. She wanted Diana to understand that she going to be next to her no matter what. Even if her daughter was dealing with self-harming problems.

 

“Why? You’re asking me why?! “ Diana exclaimed furiously, “Maybe because, sometimes, I’m not okay. I’m not fine. I’m not pretty, I’m not skinny, I’m not smart, I’m not good enough. I don’t have anybody, nobody looks at me, I’m always the second choice.” she rambled on, with salty tear streaming from her brown eye, “And nobody seems to understand that. So yeah, that’s why I do it.”

 

Her mother couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had her daughter been feeling this way for almost a year? “Oh good Lord, honey, what have you been doing to yourself?” she asked herself, stroking Diana’s hair, “Honey please don’t cry. I know how you feel-”

 

“No, no you don’t.” Diana cut her off quickly.

 

“Diana, you need to understand that I was a teenager too, once. And I’ve been through thick and thin, and nobody is worth making you feel this way. And hurting yourself is not a way to forget about everything. You should have talked to me.” Diana’s mother said.

 

“Yeah, but you were so busy these months with... you know.” her daughter whimpered, trying to stop crying, still refusing to refer to that man as ‘dad’ ever again.

 

“Darling, you know that you and Alfie are my main priorities. Not work, not Jack, but you two. Keeping me outside from all this only made things worse for you, baby.”

 

Diana looked down on her lap, playing with her thumbs. It may sound easy, but admitting that you have a problem is one of the hardest things in the world. There’s always that fear of people rejecting us or not understanding. If you actually come to the point of admitting it, however, you’re actually making an effort, you’re being brave and you’re caring about yourself.

 

“Mum, I...” Diana began, “I’m just, sad. All the time, sometimes for no reason. And, it feel, as if nothing’s able to make me feel alive again. Like screaming into an empty room, with nobody inside.”

 

“Isn’t there anything that makes you happier? Anything?” Diana thought to herself about her mum’s question. There had to be something that made her forget about everything, at least made her smile for a couple of minutes everyday. And then, a smile popped up on her face.

 

She thought of all those nights she spent on her laptop, typing in the words ‘One Direction’ on the youtube search bar and watching countless videos of them goofing around, downloading all their songs, illegally of course (It just proves that I love them more, I’m actually risking my privacy, Diana would think). When she logged onto Twitter and talked with some of the kindest people in the world, laughing at funny posts on Tumblr and generally, sharing the same love for something with so many people around the world. People that you haven’t even met in person, but you wished you did. And then, she thought of the boys, her boys; Louis, with his mischief and sassiness, Zayn with his kindness and goofy gestures. Harry, being nice and caring. Niall, with his Irish charm and craziness. And Liam, with is protectiveness and sweetness.

 

“I think so.” she finally replied with a small smile on her face.

 

“Apart from hurting yourself?”

 

“Apart from hurting myself.”

 

“Then think about that. Whatever makes you happy enough to stop you from this. But I know that this won’t be easy, you know that too. We can get you help, darling, I promise you’ll never have to feel this way again.” her mum hugged her tightly, stroking her hair, “I promise.”

And Diana felt relieved. She knew that this whole thing was going to end now. No more crying, no more throwing up, no more cutting, no more wearing long-sleeved shirts to hide the scars, no more of feeling alone. Because if we think about it, nobody is really alone. We’re just too blind to see how many people are here for us.


	6. 6. I don't think you even realize, baby you'll be saving mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter to this short story. If it wasn't to your liking then I'm sorry.

One Year Later...

 

Diana was standing anxiously in the line, tapping her feet and biting her lips, as she watched the other girls in front of her, talking constantly and squealing excitedly. Back to Diana now, she wasn’t a very loud girl. More of the ‘shy’ and ‘awkward’ type, and she could only open herself once she felt comfortable. She had been standing in this line for more than one hour, after hearing her mother complain that ‘why would you want to stand there three hours before the real concert?’ and ‘teenagers these days’. No mum, you don’t understand, Diana thought. And yeah, maybe she didn’t, but the thing was, Diana was finally there, waiting in the line and feeling as happy as ever before.

 

Well, the whole thing was like a dream, really. One beautiful morning, because when things like that happen, mornings are always beautiful. Her mum rushed inside her bedroom, nudging her to wake-up, along with Alfie jumping on her bed. And truth be told, waking up in the morning was something Diana would never get used to. All sunshine and sun and birds chirping and - no, definitely not her thing. Maybe late nights with all the lights closed and the only source of light being her laptop. That’s the life. Anyway, when Diana found out what her mother had in store for her, she jumped out of bed, magically waking up all at once and began running up and down their new apartment, squealing, and maybe a bit screaming. And it couldn’t have made her mother more proud, because she had never seen her daughter so happy in more than a year.

 

So there she was, a couple of months later, holding the white tickets in her hand tightly, as if they would suddenly fly away from her grasp and lose them forever. And she couldn’t miss that kind of chance. Feet tapping nervously on the pavement, she was lucky she was one of the first girls that arrived outside from the venue. Diana was currently sixth in line, when a tall, pigeon-toed young boy with wild curly hair and clothes that could be worn by a homeless person, got outside, making all the people that were there to squeal. Most of the girls threw themselves at him and he laughed that charming giggle of his as he patiently took pictures with each and everyone of them. Then, as if they had organized it to make it World Ovary - Exploding Day, the other four lads came outside, with huge smiles on their faces, eager to sign autographs and take selfies. And Diana? As for her, she patiently waited in line, waited when it could be her turn.

 

“D’ya want to get a picture, babe? an Irish accent came from behind and Diana could practically hear herself screaming in her head, but all she did was whisper a very silent ‘Oh my God’ and went along with it. She just couldn’t believe her luck, “Are ya excited for t’night?” Niall asked her again and she nodded eagerly, telling him that she had been waiting her whole life to come here and see them live.

 

And yeah, maybe somebody was giving her awards for staying strong for so long, maybe she was just lucky, but after a minute or two, Liam approached her and she squealed, getting a picture with her favorite. And everything, she means it, everything was doing absolutely fine, until Liam’s eyes fell on her wrist.

 

“Love, are you alright?” he asked sincerely, trying not to be pushed by the rest of the girls who were trying to take a picture with Zayn at the moment, thank God there were only about ten or fifteen right then, or she would have been crushed between bodies.

 

“Yeah, better than ever!” Diana answered sincerely, but the frown didn’t leave Liam’s face, so he asked her what were the marks on her hands. “If you want to tell me, I wouldn’t like to push you.” he said afterwards, seeing the panicked look on her face.

 

“No, I...” it wasn’t very easy for her to talk about, but Diana did her best, “I just, had a very rough past in my life, and, that. But I don’t do it, like, anymore. I’ve stopped. You made me stop it.” she admitted to him, looking down at her feet, something she did very often.

 

“No kidding!” Liam grinned, placing a hand on her shoulder, and Diana felt as if she would explode, but anyway, “I’m glad we did. I can’t really understand what we do, but if it makes you stop from harming yourself, then I guess it’s worth it.” he winked at her and took another picture with her, then moved on the other girls next to her, who screamed all at once. And Diana thought that she could never fully recover after that encounter with the Real Liam Payne, but whatever.

 

And then, she was finally singing along with them in the concert, holding up her sign, she felt a buzz inside her that she had never felt before. A rushing feeling, that made her feel goosebumps from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. And that buzz, she thought, this is what happiness feels like. This feeling, where you can’t help but smile until your cheeks hurt cry out from all that you’re living at the moment. And as Diana looked around, she saw about 75 thousand girls and boys doing the same things. And then she understood; she had a family. Brothers and sisters all over the world, all here for the same reason, for supporting this band, but also for supporting each other. And yes, maybe they fight sometimes, but isn’t that what all families do? They fight over the most simple things, but don’t they then get back together and are the same as they were before? They grow up with each other, learn to love, and accept and make each moment of their lives worth living.

 

And when Diana got back home and opened her laptop, after posting the picture she had taken and the videos, she wrote on her profile ‘it finally happened.’, and she couldn’t herself understand if that meant meeting her favorite, going to a concert, or feeling happy again.

Or maybe all three.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is previously published on another account Wattpad under my account also. If by any chance you don't want to wait for another chapter on here then you can go there instead.
> 
> https://www.wattpad.com/story/26513760-diana-one-direction-mentioned-wattys2014


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